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This Week on TV (3/16-3/22)

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

MONDAY 3/16)

House (FOX, 8pm): “A nursing home worker is alarmed when the home’s cat curls up next to her. It seems the cat only cuddles up to people who are going to die soon.” That’s what felines call “grooming their victims.”
Castle (ABC, 10pm): “Castle and Beckett discover a young nanny dead inside a laundry room dryer, and their investigation leads to a dangerous world of play dates.” The pursuit for the perfect Hide-and-Seek spot can get quite nasty.
For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 10pm): “A pool date with two contesants turns steamy.” Thanks to Jason Mesnick, I already know how this episode will end.
CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm): “A flight attendant’s murder reveals dirty secrets of airline travel.” Note to self: Pack own pillow and blanket for next flight.

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

MONDAY 3/9)

Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8pm): Season premiere. “This season, a new feature in the early weeks is a dance-off between the bottom two couples facing elimination.” Steve Wozniak + moon walk = elimination-proof.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8pm): “The guys’ trip to San Francisco takes a detour once they learn that actress Summer Glau (appearing as herself) is on their train.” If you don’t already know who Summer Glau is, you probably shouldn’t be watching this show.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8:30pm): “Ted reunites with his college girlfriend (Laura Prepon), prompting Lily and Marshall to reveal how much they loathed the snooty woman.” From what I recall, one can easily bond with Prepon over a quick smoke break.
Castle (ABC, 10pm): Series premiere. “Well-known mystery writer Richard Castle is questioned by a fiery detective about a serial killer reenacting murders from his books.” Kinda sounds like Basic Instinct, sans a naked Michael Douglas. Or Sharon Stone. Or Jeanne Tripplehorn.

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

MONDAY 2/2)

Chuck (NBC, 8pm): “In a 3-D edition, global rock star Tyler Martin (Dominic Monaghan) is marked for murder, so the agents kidnap the musician to discover who’s behind the deadly plot.” Unfortunately, they don’t understand his “My-plane-crashed-on-an-island-and-there-were-these-Others” story either.
Heroes (NBC, 9pm): “The newly powerless Hiro resolves to help Ando become a true superhero.” Sorry, Suresh. You’re stuck with creating powers for yourself.
Medium (NBC, 10pm): Season premiere. “Daughter Bridgette lands in trouble at school for drawing nude pictures of her art teacher.” She earned an “A” for technique, but an “F” for accuracy.
For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 10:30pm): Series premiere. “The actor, singer-songwriter and brother of Brandy moves 14 beautiful women into his mansion and starts his search for love.” If Kim Kardashian can get a reality show, I guess her sex tape partner should get one too.

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(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

MONDAY 12/29)

Seven Deadly Sins (History, 9pm): “The sin of lust is examined in the opener of a seven-part series exploring the seven capital vices, including their origin in religious teaching and history’s worst perpetrators.” In case you needed some help thinking of a good resolution.
Bromance (MTV, 9pm): Series premiere. “Brody Jenner is introduced to nine guys who will be competing to be part of his entourage.” Finding someone less annoying than Spencer Pratt shouldn’t be too hard.
The City (MTV, 10pm):: Series premiere. “Whitney Port arrives in New York City and begins working for iconic fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg.” And by “working,” we mean she’ll be giving Diane free publicity.
100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs (VH1, 10pm): “A five-part countdown of the Top 100 hard rock songs begins.” On VH1, Daughtry is considered hard rock.