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Monday August 11, 2008 10:37 am

This Week on TV (8/11-8/17)

Kung Fu Killer

(You can view TV Envy’s Summer Television Programming Schedule here.)
(You can navigate NBC’s Olympics schedule here.)

MONDAY (8/11)
  • Sesame Street (PBS, check local listings):  Season 39 premiere. “One, two, three, four…chickens just back from the shore.
  • High School Musical: Get in the Picture (ABC, 8pm):  “The contestants get a lesson on how to express emotions without using words.” Tip #1: If you need to cry, cut a hole in your pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. (Thanks, Joey Tribbiani.)
  • The Closer (TNT, 9pm):  “Provenza gets in hot water when he loses evidence from a successfully executed sting operation.” Somebody better buy the boss a box a chocolates asap.
  • The Mole (ABC, 10pm):  “The mole’s last victim and the Mole are revealed in the fifth-season finale after all 12 players reunite.” If a mole is revealed but nobody’s there to see it, will a show get whacked?
TUESDAY (8/12)
  • Flipping Out Reunion (Bravo, 9pm):  “Jeff Lewis and his crew reflect on Season 2’s reality and realty dramas in a reunion edition.” Chris Elwood really isn’t going to be there…is he?
  • Eureka (Sci Fi, 9pm):  “The town’s annual dog show segues into a canine malfunction.” I’ve been wondering where ran off to.
  • Primetime: Medical Mysteries (ABC, 10pm):  “The season premiere includes a report on an Indonesian man with a rare immune-system deficiency that caused the growth of warts that resemble the bark of a tree.” It’s something you really have to see to believe.
  • General Hospital: Night Shift (SOAPnet, 11pm):  “Patrick gets attacked by a woman speaking French.” Please, is any man ever really ‘attacked’ by a French woman?

 

WEDNESDAY (8/13)
  • Greatest American Dog (CBS, 8pm):  “The dogs display their artistic side in a painting competition.” This creatively ranks right up there with the food fights on .
  • Project Runway (Bravo, 9pm):  “Brooke Shields is the guest judge in a challenge that requires the designers to create outfits for working women.” Because impressive business suits are something she needs to concern herself with?
  • Shear Genius (Bravo, 10pm):  “The hairstylists must create back-to-school looks for a group of active 5-year-olds.” Aw, c’mon. Kids don’t start dissing their classmates’ hairstyles until at least 1st grade.
  • Run’s House (MTV, 10pm):  “Justine takes up painting and Rev admires her work. But things go awry when she gives him a painting as a gift.” Presents should always come with gift receipts.

 

THURSDAY (8/14)
  • Biography (Biography, 10pm):  “Profiling Donny and Marie Osmond.” Oh, thank goodness. I was really hoping someone would tell me more about them.
  • Ace of Cakes (Food, 10pm):  “Back the bakery, the staff works on a cake shaped like a Neapolitan mastiff for a local dog show.” Wouldn’t it make more sense if they were eating a cat?”
  • Flashpoint (CBS, 10pm):  “A 16-year-old girl who is bullied by a gang shoots one of her tormentors and escapes into a mall.” A new pair of shoes will always make you feel better.
  • Samantha Brown: Passport to Great Weekends (Travel, 10pm):  “Samantha visits the rodeo capital of the world (Cody, Wyoming) where she experiences the cowboy life, does daily ranch chores and participates in a rodeo.” She’s this much closer to becoming a ‘country’ singer like Jessica Simpson.

 

FRIDAY (8/15)
  • Gone Country (CMT, 8pm):  Season premiere. “Host John Rich welcomes the new cast, which includes Sean Young, Mikalah Gordon, Lorenzo Lamas, Jermaine Jackson, Chris Kirkpatrick, Irene Cara and Sebastian Bach.” Sean Young? That train wreck might actually make this show worth watching!
  • Degrassi (The N, 8pm EST): Singer Natasha Bedingfield makes a special appearance at the Degrassi prom. Why the producers didn’t support fellow Canadian Avril Lavigne, I don’t know. I hear she could use the work.
  • Meerkat Manor: The Next Generation (Animal, 8:30pm):  “Zorro teachers his brother Miles a lesson.” Lessons taught by brothers inevitably result in bruising and tears.
  • Swingtown (CBS, 10pm):  “Tom and Trina teach the Millers how to line dance.” Without the Deckers, the viewers Molly and Jack would die of boredom.

 

SUNDAY (8/17)
  • Bridezillas (WE, 9pm):  “A woman quits her job without telling her fiance, which leads to a serious fight on the eve of their wedding.” Dude, where is Suze Orman when you need her?
  • Law & Order: Criminal Intent (USA, 9pm):  Chris Noth makes his final appearance tonight. Thankfully, I have my Sex and the City DVDs to keep me warm.
  • Pam: Girl on the Loose (E!, 10pm):  “Pam attends the White House Correspondents Dinner with PETA’s Dan Matthews.” I’ve stopped questioning George Bush’s judgment.
  • Kung Fu Killer (Spike, 10pm): David Carradine and Daryl Hannah attempt to relive their Kill Bill glory days in this Made-for-TV movie. ‘Attempt’ being the operative word.

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