Award season is long, fraught with gossip, and seemingly unending. Someone always walks away with a statue - some performers and artists walk away with several. But by the time the same awards are given out the next year, no one really cares who won what the year before.

What we do remember is what they were wearing when they were doing it. People may not remember which Grammy Jennifer Lopez won the year she wore the green Versace gown, but they remember the gown. This year’s VMAs may be remembered for several years - the pictures not of moon men statues, but of the clothes everyone wore.

Whose couture sang the sweetest…and whose fashion was completely discordant?

I love Ashely Tisdale. You love Ashley Tisdale. Everyone loves Ashley Tisdale, new nose or old. As one of Disney’s long-reigning princesses, she has delighted young fans and made a respectable fortune peddling her acting/singing talents. As a sultry sex kitten with a perfect pout…sure, everyone has to grow up sometime, but I don’t think we’re quite ready to see the blonde girl from Suite Life become sultry. The short, white, somewhat frilly gown and fierce heels seem a little at odds with her stance and expression - are you trying to be sweet, or are you trying to be sexy? There’s no middle ground on that one, Ash.

Huge chest, tight black dress, board-straight platinum blonde hair. But it’s not Brooke Hogan - it’s Christina Aguilera. She wore black sequins on the red carpet and black leather on stage and honestly, I liked her better when she was showing too much skin and kept her hair in curls. Aguilera has always been a fashionista who constantly changes her look - but these days, she’s looking almost unrecognizable.

Aguilera wasn’t the only one who opted for goth instead of glam. In this puffy-skirt mauve creation with the weird black underskirt, Paris Hilton has gone from the Legally Blonde look to something a little closer to legally blind. The clunky necklace, black nylons and lack of bright make-up makes her look washed out - and only a few fashion mistakes separate any star from becoming washed up.

Taylor Swift wore gold, and the Jonas Brothers wore fabric that doesn’t at all look made from natural fibers. Close your eyes or the shine coming off these odd duds might just burn. The shoes alone are so terrible, it’s impossible to even get around to what’s wrong with all the other ensembles. Taylor might’ve been okay with the Veronica Lake hairdo and shiny minidress, but the cut could have been much more flattering and I still can’t get over her black, sensible shoes. Did she have to hike up the carpet? Joe, get your girlfriend a limo.

Sweeping locks, a little black dress and great shoes are the only thing a woman really needs - at least, if she’s Lindsay Lohan. Looking appropriately glamorous but still young and hip (as the occasion demands), Lindsay’s look was absolutely perfect.

Why is that scary old lady wearing that great upholstery fabric? Oh, wait, that’s not a weird broad who sneaked into the event - that’s pop recording artist Pink. Black belt, pink stripes, no straps - and I’m pretty sure she’s smuggling an entire Gypsy family inside with that humongous skirt of hers. Notice the dismally clashing white bracelet and gray ‘do - if you can.

With swept-back locks and smoldering eyes, an older, more mature-looking Zac Efron appeared before his adoring public - and suddenly he looks way too much like every other hunky Hollywood actor. The suit and tie is way too staid for the VMAs, and for some reason now that he’s got his hair off his forehead I can’t stop staring at his eyebrows.

She’s got the statuesque body of Eartha Kitt, the gorgeous face of a model and the dress of Tarzan’s girlfriend Jane. If you spent the entire evening marveling at how that tiny black top managed to stay secure on Rihanna‘s stacked form, you probably weren’t the only one. The bunched-up, completely uneven skirt, oh-so-skimpy top and lack of jewelry were already disaster enough - she didn’t have to go and wear white shoes after Labor Day (especially when nothing else she’s wearing is white) on top of all this mess.

Seen here clutching just one of her awards on the evening, Britney Spears sparkled all night long in her small silver dress. I could have done without the ragged fringe at the bottom and she is showing perhaps a little too much cleavage, but it’s a much prettier and healthier-looking Brit who’s grinning at audiences these days. Now, if only we could straighten out her stylist, Spears might be really ready to re-claim her pop princess tiara.