While you were gone serving our country, I was busy filming this box office bomb called Jennifer’s Body. Who knew a lesbian kiss with Megan Fox wouldn’t sell?

Anyway, I have a feeling our upcoming movie will do a thousand times better. I mean—who isn’t a sucker for Nicholas Sparks adaptations? And all women love a good cry around Valentine’s Day…especially when a hunk like you is involved.

So do your best to hurry home. Until then, I’ll continue sending you as many letters as a I can.