It’s rare that I regularly watch a show I don’t fully understand.  Now, I’m not talking about “Lost,” here; I get “Lost.”  Or at the very least, I get the purpose behind the show, the type of show it is, the rules of the world of the show, etc.  “Lost” is a serialized drama that has sci-fi elements to it.  I get “Lost.”  I’m utterly befuddled by “Flavor of Love Girls Charm School.”
I’ve seen the first three episodes (and the little preview special) for “Charm School,” and … I have no idea what the show is about.  They’ve taken some of the contestants from the two seasons of “Flavor of Love” and … I’m going to let VH1’s website explain it for us:
“Thirteen of your favorite breakout stars from “Flavor of Love” seasons one and two are back for some heated competition. Living as a group, learning as a group and out for themselves, these former Flavorettes will be rigorously trained in proper etiquette and manners before competing in challenges to determine their poise and grace under pressure.”

I guess that makes a little bit of sense, but the show seems like it’s about eight different reality shows stuffed into a one reality show sized bag (I tried to make that work and I think I just missed), and that multiple personality disorder feel permeates all the goings-on.  I’ll explain.
In the first episode, all the girls were relieved of their Flavor Flav-supplied nicknames and allowed to reclaim their birth names.  This ceremony, presided over by the show’s host, comedian Mo’Nique, had the girls saying goodbye to their outer “Buckwild” and hello to their inner “Becky.”  At this point, and later when Mo’Nique has one on one time with all of the women, the show took on a strong, Dr. Phil-esque self-empowerment vibe.  Okay, cool.  So we’re going to watch these “hoochies” (I kinda hate that word, but rarely has it been more appropriate) turn into butterflies.  Or swans.  Or some version of the show, “The Swan.”
Except, no.  Because now we’re taking the girls on a hiking trip, where they take 4 hours to go 2 miles.  Let me repeat that: IT TOOK THEM 4 HOURS TO GO 2 MILES.
And after that they camp and run an obstacle course with a drill instructor.  So it’s more like “Survivor” now, with a bit of Maury boot camp thrown in.
Then in the second episode, they had to try to impress Andrew Firestone of “Bachelor” fame (or so I’m told by the show; I don’t watch any dating show that’s of higher quality than, say, “Next” or, well, “Flavor of Love” and “I Love New York.”), so now it’s kind of a dating show again?  I’m befuddled.
And then they all had to cook meals for Mo’Nique from recipes in her cookbook.  Which means we’re on “Top Chef” now.  Or maybe “Hell’s Kitchen.”
Finally, the third episode includes … a fashion show.  Now we’re into “Top Model.”  Oh, wait, they have to design the outfit too?  Well, now it’s “Project Runway.”
It’s just so … you know the cliché about the whole being greater than the sum of its parts?  “Charm School” is much less than the sum of its parts.  Like a tiny fraction of its parts.  Next week they have to debate, and I guess that’s a nod to “The Apprentice,” maybe.  No idea.
Adding to the weirdness is the fact that there’s no rhyme or reason as to who goes home and why.  Did the person who spearheaded the fashion show team that made the ugliest dress and makeup on a model ever get kicked off?  Nope, it was the person who didn’t do enough to stop that horrible outfit.  Did the person who couldn’t work with the group and only cooked grilled cheese (a recipe that wasn’t in Mo’Nique’s cookbook) get kicked off?  No way.  It was the person who came in second in the Firestone contest but had a diva-ish attitude.
Nothing makes sense.  Black is white, up is down, dogs and cats living together.  Mass hysteria!
But maybe this is all because a “Charm School” is being run by a woman who had a comedy special called “Mo’Nique: I Coulda Been Your Cellmate!”  What could be more confusing than that?