There are both perks and peril associated with being a celebrity, and often the public gets to see both sides of the sordid tale. Reality shows and paparazzi depict some celebs, like Britney Spears, enjoying free swank and designer labels. The grim news often shows a darker side of celebrity love and obsession. American Idol judge Paula Abdul has experienced both sides of this coin, and she’s still shaken up by recent events.

Paula Goodspeed, 30, killed herself in front of Abdul’s California home just last month. The event occurred after Goodspeed reportedly stalked the star. After the suicide, Abdul released a statement to the press conveying “shocked and saddened” feelings.

But now, Abdul’s starting to express a little anger, too. The star lashed out at FOX and American Idol recently during an XM radio interview, citing an incident which occurred on season 5 of the show (viewable in the video). “I said, ‘this girl is a stalker of mine,’ and ‘please do not let her in,’” Abdul said of Goodspeed, who auditioned for a spot on the series.

“It’s fun for them to cause me stress,” Abdul said of the American Idol producers. “This was something that would make good television.” Abdul says that Goodspeed appeared on the show more than once, asked to return by producers.

FOX has not yet offered a return comment.

Abdul says that she received communications from Goodspeed for almost 18 years, which included “disturbing letters.” These actions forced Abdul to maintain a restraining order against Goodspeed at all times.

So, why does she stay with the series? Barbara Walters asked the judge that very question. Abdul’s terse reply: “I’m under contract.”