The first eviction night this season for Big Brother 9 saw one unexpected couple go home and another take the reigns of power as the new Heads of Household.

First the eviction: Jen, the Ohio bartender and Parker, the celebrity photographer from Los Angeles won the sole power to evict in the premiere episode. It seemed pretty clear then that total mismatch couple, Sheila and Adam, would be sent packing. But in a strange twist of fate Jacob, the ex-Marine from Georgia proved that he is an even BIGGER tool than Adam. He took his unfortunate partner and bitter ex-girlfriend Sharon with him out the door.

The episode started like most with meaningless chit chat about the individual house guests’ lives. Adam talked about his work with the Autism Foundation. Just when it seemed that perhaps there was more to the 29-year old Florida man than meets the eye, we learned that no, there is actually a lot less. Adam told his already creeped-out partner, 45-year old single mom and 1984 Penthouse Pet Sheila, that he really enjoys working with special needs children.  In fact, Adam told her, if he gets some money together he’d like to open a hair salon so that “them retards can get their hair done together”. All together now… no he DIDN’T!

Sheila, who already thinks Adam is nasty, was even more disgusted by his lack of political correctness and personal dignity. She lamented once more how grossed out she is to have to share a sleeping bag with him. (Two couples didn’t get beds so they’re sacking it on the Big Brother house floor for now).

Now you’d think that would be enough to get Adam (and Sheila) out of the house. But you’d be wrong. There is always a bigger dumbass to be found if you look hard enough. In this case, his name is Jacob.

Jacob decided that day two was the perfect time to “stir the pot”.  He told a group of house guests that he overheard someone else say Parker, Jen’s “soulmate”, is a snake. Jen, who was in that group, immediately told Parker and Parker went on a late-night quest to find out who really said it. First he asked Jacob. Jacob, a seriously bad liar, would neither admit to saying it himself nor tell who he allegedly heard the “snake” comment from.

Instead of just accepting that not everyone will always like us, Parker decided to wake everyone up and smoke out the suspect. It didn’t work. Sharon, who didn’t know anything about what Jacob had done until later, tried to salvage her chance in the house by suggesting that Ryan, Jen’s real-life boyfriend, called Parker the bad, bad name. That didn’t work either and forced Jen to tell Parker the truth, that she and Ryan are dating. Ryan felt guilty and told his partner Allison the truth as well. Allison was completely disappointed, saying she hoped she and Ryan would make a love connection in the house. Allison also said that she thinks Jen is catty and that Ryan would be better off with her. Reeeeeeerrrr!

In the end, power couple Parker and Jen decided a personal insult against a full-grown man trumps a politically-incorrect slur against millions of Americans. Even though they felt bad that Sharon had to get dragged out along with her jackass ex-boyfriend, Jacob and Sharon were the first couple evicted from the BB9 house. A disturbingly shirtless Adam was, of course,  elated.

Later, it was time for the couples to compete to be the first Heads of Household. Eric and Jessica, a love match from Big Brother: Season 8,  hosted a cheesy version of the Newlywed Game where the couples showed how much, or how little they know about each other after two days. ‘What do you hate more, unibrows, hairy legs, a spare tire or bad teeth?’ In the end it was bouncy Amanda from Minnesota and New York DJ Alex who got the most right and won HOH.

Amanda and Alex will have the power to nominate the next couple for eviction. They may turn out to be the one couple that actually ends up in some sort of deranged love match in the Big Brother house. He loves her daisy duke and over-the-knee sock wearing, free-spirited ways. She just wants to fall in love and lets face it, he’s not too bad on the eyes either.

The one question raised after tonight’s episode is how long Jen and Ryan can keep their secret love on the down low. Parker and Allison both know the real story. Allison clearly isn’t fond of Jen and suggested she may have to spill the beans.

The next Big Brother 9 airs Sunday night at 8 p.m. Eastern and Pacific on CBS.