All eyes are turning toward Pennsylvania, where a highly important primary war will soon be waged. Pundits expect the race to determine the outcome of the Democratic nomination…but the pundits have said that about many, many primaries during the current race to the White House. Before you Pennsylvanians cast your votes, let’s see how the Presidential hopefuls handle themselves in a wrestling ring.

The three contenders will appear tonight on the USA network for Monday Night Raw, each with taped messages for wrestling fans at large - and Pennsylvania voters in particular. “Tonight, in honor of the WWE, you can call me Hillrod,” Senator Hillary Clinton will say in her message. “This election is starting to feel a lot like ‘King of the Ring.’ The only difference? The last man standing may just be a woman.”

Senator Barack Obama will also offer a message: “To the special interests who’ve been setting the agenda in Washington for too long and to all the forces of division and distraction that has stopped us from making progress, for the American people, I’ve got one question: Do you smell what the Barack is cooking?” In case you don’t get that, the last line is something The Rock used to say in the ring - with one variation, of course.

“Looks like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to celebrate their differences in the ring,” John McCain will say in his message. “Well, that’s fine with me, but let me tell you: If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man. Come November, it’ll be game over. And whatcha gonna do when John McCain and all his McCainiacs run wild on you?” Evidently, some of these lines have something to do with Hulk Hogan - or so my sources tell me.