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Thursday November 3, 2005 12:35 pm

America’s Next Top Model:  The Girls Are 1940’s Pin-Ups

Top ModelThanks to Jayla for getting the cattiness started from the get-go.  (Shows with models should not have any wasted kind moments).  If she wasn’t too busy calling Nik immature for that whole deodorant drama from last week, she was ripping on Kyle – for everything. Kyle’s not intelligent.. Kyle feeds off other people.. Kyle revolves her life around her boyfriend.  Hey Jayla – jealous lately??

Tyra started this round of the competition with a black-and-white photo shoot.  In lieu of makeup, the girls were prepped with barely more than a coat of Vaseline and their natural raw talent.  With little to hide behind, the girls had to rely on their intensity and vulnerability to carry them through.  Although some struggled with the minimalist theme, the pictures came out beautifully.

Continuing on this theme of earthiness, the women were later shipped off to Camp Technique – a muddy version of an obstacle course.  The ladies were told that they needed to learn how to overcome obstacles in their life.  (We all know that this was really an opportunity for the producers to get the models wriggling in mud).  Not surprisingly, Lisa took to this challenge luck a duck to water.  She just luvs being dirty.  Other girls, though, were a bit prissier about the situation.  Jayla worried about her ruined bra, Kyle was grossed out by the mud in her ear and pants and Nicole was afraid that she was going to barf.  Although Nik’s pants kept falling down, she took it all good stride.  She got into the moment and found it funny and freeing.

If the girls thought they could return quickly to the showers, they were severely mistaken.  They were sent directly to a go-see from their mud spree.  Although they would have preferred to be fresh and shiny for their interviews with ELLEgirl, the task forced the models to draw on their personalities.  Many times modeling is about faking it, and these girls had to fake feeling comfortable.  In the end, the girl with the most personality – was Lisa.  Well, you have to admit it—she’s got personality all right.

A photo shoot for Ford Fusion capped off the challenges for this week.  With not much more to wear than a corset and high heels, the girls had to ride the fine line between sexy and sleazy. As Tyra put it, “It’s not what you wear, but how you wear it”.  MALE MOMENT ALERT:  in this portion of the show, the ladies were tightly bound into their corsets by other women and were then forced to drape themselves over a nice car.  Omigod – I feel like I’ve seen this all before - and it was in a bad Mariah Carey video.  At least this time, the girls were not wearing roller skates.

This was an extremely awkward shoot for most.  Some were able to ooze sex through their faces while others were able to do it with just their bodies – but very few were able to master both with class at the same time.  Then there was Kim.  This task required her to get in touch with her barely tapped feminine side.  Ironically, she was one of the few who was able to get it done right. Weirdly enough, Jayla said she felt extremely comfortably going into the shoot because it was something she was familiar with.Why? Because she’s appeared in Low Rider Magazine?

In the end, the competition came down to Bre and Kyle.  Bre, who admittedly felt like she didn’t rank with the other girls, was told that she might only be right for commercial modeling.  Kyle, who had a horrible deer-in-the-headlights shot, was told that she may be too small-town to be a supermodel.  In the end, the Dairy Queen girl with the pretty face was sent packing. 

LOSER:  Kyle.

MY VOTE GOES TO:  Kim.  It’s elections season so I felt like it was time to announce my endorsements.  I hope her butch ass prevails over all the girly-girls in the competition.

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