“Love is the only shocking act left on the planet.”

Throw a bunch of celebrities into a movie with interconnecting stories about romance and what do you get? Garry Marshall’s version of Love Actually.

In Valentine’s Day, Emma Roberts laughs at monogamy while her real-life aunt (Julia Roberts) laughs at Bradley Cooper’s admirers. Jessica Alba acts sad because she’s paired with a dog while the other Jessica (Biel) overacts because she’s paired with chocolates. Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher is responsible for the flattest delivery in the whole trailer.

So am I planning to watch this American knockoff? Yes…because I’m a sucker for a love story. Valentine’s Day his theaters on February 12.