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Monday January 5, 2009 12:36 am

This Week on TV (1/5-1/11)


(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)



Other Premieres: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel), Antiques Roadshow (PBS), DietTribe (Lifetime), Superstars of Dance (NBC/Monday premiere),

  • The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm):  Season 13 premiere. “Single dad searches for a mate among 25 young women. In a new wrinkle, the bachelorettes get to vote for a competitor they’d like to see leave, but Jason has the final say.” Maybe the kid should have the final say. After all, he’s the one who’ll eventually call her “evil stepmom.”
  • Gossip Girl (CW, 8pm):  “Blair tries to get accepted into a distinguished ladies club and Jenny returns to school.” Just to clarify - Blair is hoping join a ladies club, not the gentlemen’s kind.
  • The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family, 8pm):  Series return. “After Amy hears that she needs to find a job, she and Ben decide to get married.” Unfortunately, she later realizes that she still needs to find a job.
  • True Beauty (ABC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Beginning an eight-episode elimination contest in which 10 gorgeous people face challenges to determine the most beautiful—and inner beauty counts as much as physical attractiveness—while they live together in an LA mansion.” Welcome to the future of the Miss America pageant.


Other Premieres: The Biggest Loser: Couples (NBC), Homeland Security USA (ABC), Primetime: What Would You Do? (ABC)

  • Scrubs (NBC, 8pm):  Season premiere. “J.D. is frustrated by his new set of incompetent interns.” They keep referring to him as Chocolate, not Vanilla, Bear.
  • 90210 (CW, 8pm):  “Brenda reveals a long-held secret to Kelly.” She never really voted for her while she was on .
  • Nip/Tuck (FX, 10pm):  Series return. “Sean ends his relationship with Colleen Rose once and for all after the shooting, but the aftereffects linger.” Wait until he gets that special stuffed animal/agent she sent him in the mail.
  • 10 Items or Less (TBS, 11pm):  Season premiere. “Leslie spares nothing when he invents a grocery store bowling game using frozen turkeys instead of bowling balls.” As if turkey bowling didn’t exist until now.

Other Premieres:  13: Fear is Real (CW), Ghost Hunters International (Sci Fi), Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns (TBS)

  • People’s Choice Awards (CBS, 9pm):  “Queen Latifah hosts the 35th annual gala that recognizes fan favorites in movies, TV and music.” Don’t ratings and sales numbers already provide this information?
  • Barbara Walters Special (ABC, 10pm):  “ and his wife, Lisa Niemi, are interviewed at their California ranch.” This one interview is far more fascinating than the ten she recently generated.
  • Damages (FX, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Patty’s offered a class action lawsuit involving child malnutrition by Ellen, who’s secretly out to take her down, aided by two government agents.” This is bitchy backstabbing at its best.
  • Real World (MTV, 10pm):  Season premiere. “The 21st season opens as eight - not seven - strangers move into their new Brooklyn digs.” Having dumped TRL, MTV can now afford to house more roomies.
  • Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9pm):  “Izzie tells Alex that she’s been seeing Denny.” The next one to complain about their scripts will revive a deer. Oops! Been there, done that.
  • 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30pm):  “Jack woos his mother’s nurse (), helps Jenna score a role as Janis Joplin, and gives marriage pointers to Tracy and his wife.” Should Alec Baldwin really be giving anyone marriage advice?
  • Greg Behrendt’s Wake Up Call (SOAPnet, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Comedian and author Greg Behrendt acts as a relationship guru for couples who issues that need attention.” Operative words: “Acts as.”
  • Private Practice (ABC, 10pm):  “Violet and Pete ponder taking their friends-with-benefits relationship to the next level.” Would that be the friends-with-benefits and a 401K plan phase?
FRIDAY (1/9)

Other Premieres/Returns: Flashpoint (CBS), Monk (USA), Psych (USA)

  • Howie Do It (NBC, 8pm):  Series premiere. “A singing telegram arrives during a funeral, a dating show turns nightmarish and a waiter flounders in this prank-based reality series.” NBC has just now transitioned from bad TV to awkward TV.
  • My Big Redneck Weekend (CMT, 9pm):  “Tom Arnold hosts this look at a housewarming party with invitations on paper plates, couches turned into swings and a belly-flop contest in a mud pool.” In this economy, it’s all about making do with what ya got.
  • Stargate Atlantis (Sci Fi, 9pm):  Series finale. “Todd warns Atlantis about a sophisticated hive ship and encourages the team to attack the vessel before it can pose a threat to Earth.” I appreciate Todd’s efforts to keep hives - sophisticated or not - away from me.
  • Lipstick Jungle (NBC, 9pm):  “Dahlia helps Nico improve her image by landing her an appearance on the Today show.” Being positioned next to can make anyone look good.
SUNDAY (1/11)
  • Golden Globe Awards (NBC, 8pm): The highlight? This could be the first major win for . The lowlight? Rumer Willis as Miss Golden Globe.
  • 24 (FOX, 8pm):  Season premiere. “The season premieres with Jack on trial in Washington D.C. and the return of Tony Almeida, who is involved in a national security breach.” Yeah, you heard me right: Tony Alameida isn’t dead.
  • Confessions of a Teen Idol (VH1, 8pm):  “The guys secretly observe a focus group of women judging them.” Maybe it’s best to keep them off the internet.
  • Tool Academy (VH1, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Bad boyfriends are sent to relationship boot camp to be retrained.” This is pure urban legend. No “bad boyfriend” would ever be subjected to something like this. Oh, there’s money involved? Then, maybe.



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