A new girl just checked into Paradise Hotel 2 and boy is she blond, busty and drunkety drunk drunk drunk.

Last night’s episode began with James apologizing to the men of Paradise Hotel 2 after he got super drunk the night before and made a wee bit of a fool of himself (though frankly it is all relative with this bunch). James told the other men he’d work hard to gain back their trust and respect. Until, of course, he’ll need to back-stab them one by one to win the “ultimate prize.”

Next, we see roommates Mike and Tanya in their hotel suite. While Tanya works out provocatively on the floor (ewww), Mike tells her she has the highest sex drive of anyone he has ever met. (Cue soft porn music.) Then he proceeds to crawl on top of her to do push ups over her while she does crunches. (There is a Cinemax movie with this exact same plot somewhere, I’m sure of it). Tanya swears that she and Mike are “just having fun” but later cries when he expresses his desire to hook-up with the new girl, Stephanie. Tanya admits she is developing genuine feelings for Mike. Mike says Tanya is a “bad ass” and “awesome friend” but he doesn’t want much more than a bed buddy. Hey, at least he is honest about it.

Speaking of the new girl, her name is Stephanie, she is 22 and a dental assistant from Houston, Texas. She tells the cameras that she likes to “party and have fun” and she also “loves being busty”. Aim high, I always say. The men like what they see at first. Raheim likes her “amazing rack” and Mike thinks that if you went to a website to pick out different features and make your own doll she’d be what you’d end up with. Later, we learn an actual doll would probably be the more prudent choice because it wouldn’t end up totally wasted on the floor and could certainly carry on a more interesting conversation.

To break the ice, Stephanie quickly orders a Long Island Ice Tea and a shot of tequila. That was the beginning of a booze binge that would make Nicolas Cage’s Leaving Las Vegas character proud. Krista, the insecure virgin, tries to cozy up to Stephanie by asking her questions about her hair and remarking that she reminds her of her friends back home. Chartè and Tidisha instantly get suspicious, saying Krista is being fake and just trying to save her spot in Paradise Hotel. Lauren, the tomboy, hopes Stephanie ends up sleeping with all of the guys in the hotel so they’ll leave her and the other women alone. Very smart strategy!

Stephanie, meanwhile, proceeds to get totally and completely blitzed. We learn that she is one of those drunks who get progressively more annoying with each passing minute. She transitions from the boastful drunk (look at my “biggies”) to the foul-mannered drunk (burrrrrppppppp) to that drunk girl who is too irritating for even the shallow, horn-dog guys in the hotel to be interested in. Even James who appears to be open to any remotely hot girl who will have him says he doesn’t want her to pick him for a roommate, “She is not my style.” There might be hope for him yet.

Later, we see Raheim, Chartè and Tidisha in Stephanie’s room trying to help her get dressed for the night’s beach party. She can barely stand but manages to jump onto Raheim and try to makeout with him. In a moment of sound judgment, he pushes her away, helps her buckle her belt and flees on foot from her room before she can attack him again. He concedes that while she does have large breasts and big blond hair,  she is a nutjob who should probably be avoided. (First impressions, people.  Live by them, die by them).

Ryan, the dopey looking surfer dude, is the only guy who seems open to possibly hooking up with her because he is open to possibly hooking up with pretty much anyone.

Chartè and Tidisha continue to hammer away at Krista for being nice to the new girl; Krista overhears TD say she is making a fool of herself to which Krista confronts the pair but nothing really comes of it.

Finally, two of the guys learn they have to go out on a date with Ms. Drunky Drunkerson. Stephanie picks Johnny who she says seems fun and interesting.  He says she is just too obnoxious. Stephanie also picks James who - in a welcome twist - has vowed to talk as little as possible to Stephanie to avoid any chance she might pick him for a roommate.

We’ll find out in the next episode which girl will go home to make room for Stephanie and which of the guys will get stuck with her annoying butt. Paradise Hotel 2 airs Monday night at 9:00 p.m. ET/PT on MyNetworkTV and in a slightly more R-rated form on FOX Reality Tuesday mornings at 1:00 a.m. ET/PT.