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Wednesday November 26, 2008 12:19 pm

Daredevil Plans for Eagles, Browns, and Lions

Donovan McNabb

The Tennessee Titans’ Jeff Fisher jumped out of an airplane to join the team at practice last week. He was trying to keep it loose for a team that was undefeated at the time. As we now know, it didn’t work. Tennessee lost to the New York Jets, 34-13. While the Titans are winners for 2008, which teams are in vital need for some tricks to pump up their flailing seasons?

Following the loss to the Jets, Mike Singletary of the San Francisco 49ers called Fisher and said he ALMOST got the trick right - “Next time skydive in wearing just your skivvies or maybe come crashing in bare-assed and wearing chaps.”

In St. Louis Jim Haslett led the team to a couple of victories after Scott Linehan got fired. The Rams are now in the midst of a five-game losing streak. So Haslett has worked this out with team officials: he will fire himself and then come back, and this, he hopes, will lead to two more victories.

The Buffalo Bills’ Dick Jauron had his team off to a quick start before the current bad stretch. Even with their recent victory over the lowly Kansas City Chiefs he practically needs to produce Yeti/the Abominable Snowman out of the Buffalo blizzards to deliver a pep talk to the troops.  I hear that back in the day Yeti was one heck of a fullback from Antarctica State, too.

Romeo Crennel is hooking up a line between the two sides of Cleveland Browns Stadium. He will attempt to tight rope walk from nosebleed section to nosebleed section in an effort to jolt his team. Don’t count on Bill Cowher or team owner Randy Lerner being down below holding the safety net.

Andy Reid is taking a cue from the current Levi’s commercial in which some kids fill up one their friend’s pants and jacket with helium and watch him float away. Reid thinks the Philadelphia Eagles will get a laugh when they see him inflated in this manner. He also can be tethered and used in Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.

Jack del Rio of the Jacksonville Jaguars is telling the team that owners are threatening a move to Los Angeles if they keep losing games. Is this really a threat? They’re tempering the available-movie-starlets angle by saying there’s lots of smog in that town, too.

In San Diego, Chargers head coach Norv Turner took the team to the Shamu whale stunt show and to an exotic animal exhibit at the San Diego Zoo. I know a lot of fans who literally want to feed Turner to the lions, but I think they were joking. Also, just like the underachieving Chargers, Shamu just couldn’t get it going and was unable to perform his big-splash trick.

And finally the winless Detroit Lions need something really big to lift the spirits of the team. Coach Rod Marinelli is thinking of either jumping over 30 buses on a motorcycle or recreating Houdini’s famous water chamber escape. In the latter he will be chained up and will be forced underwater into near drowning conditions.

He may actually prefer this to finishing the season with the Lions!



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