Do you feel like you’ve maxed out your emo/meta cred? Does your 3 wolves howling shirt sneer at you and your oh-so-last-week iPhone? Well fear not, my bespectacled flannel-clad hipster ‘friend’, the iRetrophone has the cure for what ails you. That is, if what ails you is your ability to walk anywhere instead of being tethered to one spot in particular… which is kind of the point of owning a cel phone, yeah? Or do I sound like someone’s grandpa? Is the next meta-craze immobilizing one’s cel phone? If so, then sign me up!!! I’ve been yearning for an excuse to get my tape-driven answering machine out of my attic. Don’t worry, the handset works too so you can cradle it against your left ear while smoking your corn-cob pipe and twirling your horn-rimmed glasses, Wheezer-fan.