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Tuesday December 9, 2008 8:36 pm

Why Women Confuse Sex for Love

Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Editorials, Relationships, Sex,

Love and Sex

It took me a long time to figure this out, but when I did it was quite liberating.  During my dating years I became obsessed with a jerk.  He had none of the qualities I wanted in a man, but I think that’s what attracted me to him.  He was the quintessential “bad boy” and I was intrigued. We dated officially for only about four months, but he stayed in my life for over three years.  Sure I had boyfriends here and there during that time, but it was always him I went back to.  I hate to say it, but he was my “booty call” and I was his.  But, for most women, the booty call can be so misinterpreted.  Sex, in general, can be so misinterpreted.  I thought for sure that when he text messaged me at 3am it was because he still cared about me and maybe even missed me!  Oh how foolish I was back then.  I think the part of my brain that determined reality from fantasy hadn’t quite developed yet.  Or maybe deep down I really knew that he only wanted to have some fun, but I allowed it anyway because I felt that any time with him was worth it.

The truth is that when we were… um… consummating the booty call, I felt so close to him in the emotional sense. I tricked myself into believing that he felt it too.  And I thought it was love. It had to be love!  How could anyone experience that feeling without love being involved?

It wasn’t love, he was just kinda talented.  So I was confusing sex for love.  And I think women do it all the time.  Sure, there is no other way to be closer to a person in the physical sense. And what may feel so euphoric for a short time can really mess with our heads.  Love is so much more than that.  It’s what he can do outside the bedroom that’s most important.

Does he go out of his way for you?
Does he sacrifice things he loves to be with you?
Does he talk about your future together?
Does he call you the next day?!?!  Come on!

Occasional midnight calls can be fun sometimes, we’ve all been there, but if you’re looking for true love, you won’t find it solely in the bedroom.



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