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Monday December 15, 2008 5:35 pm

Why Nice Guys Shouldn’t Finish Last

Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships, Sex,


I have to admit that at one point in my life I snubbed the “nice guy”. I was young, immature, and not sure what I really wanted. I actually said to my girlfriends “I don’t know, he’s just too nice”. What did that mean exactly? If I try to analyze it maybe I believed that the guy who acted tough, arrogant, and selfish would in the long run be a better mate. Or maybe I thought that all the attention I received from the nice guy was a sign of weakness or desperation, and I certainly didn’t want to be with someone weak or desperate. So I continued to date self-centered men, and lost every time. This was the guy that showed some interest but really kept you guessing most of the time. It was the guy who waited a week to call you (if he called at all). The guy who made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I hate that guy.

I have a good friend who is very aware he is a “nice guy”. When he is interested in a woman, he goes out of his way to show his interest. I remember trying to give him some advice a few times saying “don’t be so anxious, keep her guessing, women need a little challenge”. He always agreed with me but could never pull it off, that’s just not who he was. Why would he pretend to be aloof when all he wanted to do was spend time with these women and show them who he really was? We used to debate about “playing the game”. I used to say “yes, play” (ironically I was getting played and hated it). And he used to argue that he didn’t want games. He wanted the real thing and where the heck was she already? Ah, the nice guy.

Now while my friend is a natural born nice guy, there are some jerks who eventually evolve. Maybe they were an idiot in their 20’s, but now in their 30’s have come to their senses and would do anything for the right woman. So, there is still hope for some.

I can proudly say that I married a “nice gu.y. Right before we met, I was still dealing with some other a-hole and was literally pulling my hair out. I was 29 and so fed up. I was tired of the game. In fact, I had stopped playing the game at that point and was looking for someone who just liked me for me. I think when I finally realized this, my husband entered into my life. He was so excited, so giving, and completely went out of his way to show me how nice guys are so good (by the way, he hates being called a nice guy, only because of the negative connotation associated with it, I guess I don’t blame him) .

I will admit that if I had met him a few years earlier, I may have let him slip through my fingers. But it was the right time for us (timing is everything) and it was certainly meant to be. How did I know? One reason was that I could be my best self with him. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t and I felt comfortable being me.

Nice guys shouldn’t finish last for so many reasons.  These guys are mature, sensitive, and ready to make a commitment to you. You want to be treated like a princess (cheesy, but I know women want that), well, the nice guy is going to be the one to do it. You’ll never have to second guess his feelings and you will fall madly in love with how genuine and giving he can really be.



Great comment!  I love your perspective.  You are definitely on to something.  These nice guys should embrace their “niceness” and feel confident in themselves. The nice guy who is the complete pushover will get walked all over and that’s not good for anyone.  Confidence (not arrogance) turns women on, and if they can carry that over into the bedroom, well everyone wins 😊


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