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How President Bush Can Predict the Ending of “I Love New York”

I Love New York

Oh, yeah, I’m going to make this work.  Now, if you’re not familiar with the show, “I Love New York” is not a show wherein people from the South express their adoration for the city I call home while secretly hating it and using the term “Yankees” (the people, not the team) as a curse word.  No, it’s VH1’s “celebreality” (as they feel the need to call it) show about the search for love by Tiffany Pollard aka New York, the two time runner-up of “Flavor of Love,” the dating show staring rapper/timepiece enthusiast Flava Flav and a whole lot of rejects from your local strip clubs, street corners, and free clinics.  New York, who at times has been compared in appearance to a transvestite (in my apartment, anyway), has a gaggle of guys from which to choose, all of whom she has given helpful nicknames like “Pootie” and “12 Pack,” and each week she keeps some and lets the rest go.
At this point in the thrilling competition, our “girl” New York is down to just two dudes, “thuggish” Chance (whose band name is so dumb that I won’t repeat it here for fear of Google forever linking my name and it) and “ninja turtle lookalike” Tango (who, we learned this week, cannot do the tango well, which may mean he’s a fan of Sylvester Stallone when he costars with Kurt Russell).  Whom will she choose now, only to be broken up with at the time of the reunion?  We’ll all find out in two week when the show reaches it’s probably-not-that-thrilling conclusion.

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