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Britney SpearsDear Britney:

I’ve seen all the bad press you’ve been receiving lately and I know that it has really gotten to you.  Access Hollywood has been promoting your upcoming interview with Matt Lauer all week.  I often feel bad that I pay US Weekly good money to publish all those bad stories about you—but for some reason I just can’t tear my eyes away from all your photos.  Those tear-stained eyes…your poor son looking helpless.

I know—it must be hard to live in the limelight…photographers waiting everywhere hoping that you will make a mistake.  I understand it must be horrible to live in such a fishbowl.

Maybe we’re all wrong about K-Fed.  Maybe he is a better father than he seems.  Shar Jackson still seems to say good things about him…even if he did leave her for you.

But no matter what you have to say about your mothering…about K-Fed…about the state of your marriage. Do you want to know my main problem about you?

YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP.

I hate it when people with good money can’t clean their acts up—emotionally OR physically. 

Granted—I have only seen clips from your upcoming interview, but I feel like I can comfortably say this:  FIRE YOUR PR AGENT (If they haven’t already quit).

PR 101:  If you want people to respect you—- LOOK RESPECTABLE.  I have no idea who let you go on national TV looking that…especially when the whole point of the interview was to set your record straight.  America—I’m not white-trash…even though I may dress like it.

Your television interview has NOT EVEN AIRED YET—but I can tell you right now, you are going to win very few people over.

There is no reason your hair should lack a good conditioner.  Your boobs should not be falling out of your top.  You should not be wearing short denim skirts that practically expose your rear.

I hope you know that they do make good maternity clothes now….especially for those who can afford it.  EVEN TARGET HAS BETTER MATERNITY CLOTHES THAN WHAT YOU ARE WEARING.

You may want people just to leave you alone—BUT YOU MAKE IT TOO EASY FOR THEM TO KEEP LOOKING.  You are a train wreck we can’t pull our eyes from—whether you are walking barefoot into a gas station bathroom or nearly dropping your baby.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a prude.  There is a time and a place for revealing tops and short skirts— and a sit-down interview on primetime television is not it.

Stop blaming everyone at home for perceiving you wrong.  GOOD PR STARTS AT HOME.  When you look good on the outside, you start to feel better on the inside.


Sincerely,
V

P.S.  Just in case you were wondering:  Thursday night @ 9pm on NBC—I’m so all over it!!!

 

Read More | Spotlighting News

Gallery: An Open Letter To Britney Spears


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Dustin DiamondYesterday, Dustin Diamond, better known as “Screech” on Saved by the Bell, appeared on the Howard Stern show.  Among other more, uh, salacious topics, Dustin sent out a plea to help him keep his house in Wisconsin.  Apparently, he bought his house on a land contract, and now that the property value has gone way up on it, he has 30 days to pay $250,000, or it will be taken away from him. Moved by compassion and nostalgia to pity his plight?  If so, you can help.  Dustin has come up with the idea of selling “D-Shirts”, the proceeds of which will all go towards helping Dustin pay for his house before it’s foreclosed on.  Just $15 will get you a shirt that says “I Paid $15.00 to Save Screeech’s House.”  Or, if you don’t feel so bad for him, just e-mail him and ask him where all his Saved by the Bell money has gone to. 

I bet that somehow, some way, someone is gonna find a way to make a reality show out of this…

Read More | Baseball Toaster

Gallery: Help Dustin “Screech” Diamond Save His House


Set in the newsroom of the New York Daily News, “Tabloid Wars” is Bravo’s new reality darling.  Each of the 6 hour-long episodes take the viewer inside the chaos of staying on top of late-breaking news, from Britney to bombings. The show follows a handful of journalists, shot surveillance-style, and edited into a Law and Order-esque procedural drama.  President of Bravo, Lauren Zalaznick states, “This unprecedented series goes beyond entertainment in many ways and imparts a truly educational and unique glimpse at the inner workings of a competitive leading daily newspaper.”  Educational?  This is reality TV- and “The Littlest Groom” was an anthropological study. 

Gallery: Bravo’s New Reality Show, “Tabloid Wars” Premieres June 24


Kristin CavalarriSorry, Kristin Cavallari.  You may have dated her man, stolen her poses and copied her hairstyles…but you won’t be getting Jessica Simpson’s job as well.

The producer of the recent big-screen dud, The Dukes of Hazzard, recently announced two-head shaking things.  One—that he wanted to make a prequel to the critically-despised flick. Eye roll, please.  And second—that he wanted to cast Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari as Daisy Duke.  Now anyone who has watched Kristin blossom for a complete nobody to a complete wannabe like I have knows that she has been aiming to be the next Jessica Simpson.  And while I don’t really care for either one of them, I was pleased to hear that Cavallari will finally have to steal somebody else’s life.  It was announced today that instead of going with another blonde, the producers finally chose a brunette (Deal or No Deal’s April Scott) to fill dark-haired Catherine Bach’s shoes….I mean, daisy dukes.


Read More | People

Gallery: A New Daisy to Fill Out Them Dukes


Chris DaughtryApparently Chris Daughtry does not need Fuel to light his fire.

Despite the job offer Daughtry received from the established rock band within hours of being axed, Chris has decided to further weigh his options.  Instead of using the band as a crutch into the music industry, he plans on doing things his own way. 

This could prove to be a risky move for Daughtry.  Will he become another blip on our radars like last year’s rocker Bo Bice?  Did he miss an opportunity to immediately tour like JD Fortun did with INXS?  You know what they say:  Out of sight, short of hair… sometimes out of mind.


Read More |  People

Gallery: Chris Daughtry Turns Down Job Offer


Penelope Cruz Matthew McConaugheyAttention single women and single men - Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz are both available again. Cruz’s spokesman just announced that it’s official that the couple has split up.  The two met while costarring in the 2005 movie Sahara. If you didn’t see that flick, you’re not missing all that much. The two broke up, according to People Magazine, four weeks ago due to busy work schedules.
The University of Texas Alumni, McConaughey appeared in Failure to Launch earlier this year with Sarah Jessica Parker.  Meanwhile, Cruz has a hot film on her hands in Pedro Almodovar’s Volver, (Return ), which caught the eyes of filmgoers at the Cannes Film Festival.

Who knows who they’ll meet on the set of their new projects.  Cruz is in Spain filming Manolete. It’s a drama about the legendary Spanish bullfighter, costarring Adrien Brody. Meanwhile, McConaughey is shooting We Are Marshall, about former Marshall University football coach Jack Lengyel.  Seems like a lot of guys on the set of that one the only big named female co-star is Kate Mara from Brokeback Mountain.

Gallery: Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz Break Up


DescriptionEveryone has been so busy obsessing over the newest “Brangelina” heir, that we’ve almost completely overlooked the birth of another genetically superior child: that of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Kingston James McGregor Rossdale was born Friday, May 26 at Cedar Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. This is the first child for the couple, who were married in September 2002. Rossdale also has a 16-year-old daughter named Daisy, from a previous relationship.

As far as beautiful power-couples go, Bush’s Rossdale and No Doubt’s Stefani are the music industry’s equivalent of the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie pairing. Pitt and Jolie had better watch their backs though; in addition to their prospective musical fame both Rossdale and Stefani have been breaking their way into Hollywood.

Stefani made her acting debut as Jean Harlow in Martin Scorsese’s The Aviator, while Rossdale has had roles in Constantine, The Game of Their Lives, Little Black Book, and the upcoming How to Rob a Bank. Stefani also has her own fashion line, Harajuku Lovers, to which she has recently added baby clothes. Top that Angelina!

Gallery: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale had a baby!


Grey's AnatomyDuring filming, Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute) steels away from “The Office” to connect with fans. Actors are writing blogs as themselves…and as their character. No lie! Rainn’s got a blog titled, Schrute’s Space.” Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesley), plays her receptionist part, spending hours dutifully sitting behind her computer, telling all about the behind the scenes action on the set. Chris Van Dusen, assistant to creator Shonda Rhimes, writes Joe’s Blog in character. He’s got the bartender’s perspective…but does he really? “Grey’s” staff writer, Stacy McKee writes from the

Nurse Debbie’s point of view.

Bartenders, nurses, and who knows what other un-reality characters are sharing a view they know little about other than to be directed through some “well-written” lines. The whole affair keeps pen pals happy. With something like 7 million viewers a piece, these shows are ripe for this strange new world of glorified “chatting.” Blogging has whipped up a way to get that sneak preview or a peak through the dressing room crack in the door with the same kind of instant gratification. Behind the scenes antics are experienced live online. But not all actors are technically savvy or able to write with any speed for end user gratification. Executive producer, Eric Haney, himself, confesses to being a “low-tech dinosaur,” only able to pound out a few lines per week. But fans demand immediate interaction, the dirt, and the career tribulations that actors aren’t actually versed in. Van Praagh who has enjoyed a global following for his work as a medium has empowered himself through a technical medium to inform followers that there is life after death. There is?


Read More | USA Today

Gallery: The Blog Connection for TV Stars and their Characters


Ryan Seacrest and his straight line smileBrangelina before ShilohFirst of all, congratulations to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.  She gave birth to a beautiful (and considering the genes, this is more than a figure of speech) bouncing baby girl - Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.  Shiloh, welcome to the beginning of a strange life.  And word of advice, when all of you get older, Maddox and Zahara will probably hate you because you’ll be the only “legit” kid and actually look like mommy and daddy, but don’t let them get to you.  Just get all M.C. Hammer on them and say that you’re 2 legit… a legit Jolie-Pitt and that they’re just adopted.  But, I’m being snarky now.

In any case, so where were you when you found out the news?  I’m sorry the BREAKING NEWS as E! likes to say.  I was watching the Chelsea Handler Show (funny and subtle compared to the in-your-face antics of most sketch comedy shows) at 12:30am on a Saturday night (I’m married now and don’t do that clubbing thing anymore), when all of a sudden the BREAKING NEWS flashed on the screen and, forgetting the channel I was watching, thought that something happened in Iraq or some natural disaster occurred or something that was legitimately BREAKING NEWS!

But what did I see as I brought my buttcheeks to the end of my chair?  Ryan Seacrest.  A natural reaction upon seeing Seacrest, my buttcheeks instantly drew itself back, far away from his visage. 

In any case, surreality came back to me, and upon regaining my bearings, listened to Seacrest “report” the birth of Brangelina’s baby girl.  I wasn’t hanging upon every word he was saying, but I was interested being a celeb-o-phile, which you shouldn’t tell anyone as I would lose ALL street cred in this admission.  Anyway, something happened at the end of this BREAKING NEWS that just made me sigh and shake my head.

Seacrest signed off as “Seacrest.”

What is wrong with this man?!?!?  Okay, I can sort of understand the third person reference for American Idol because that whole “Seacrest out” thing was catchy and millions… and I mean millions of people dug it.  But, does Seacrest really have to refer to himself in the third person for a 20 second report about Brangelina having a baby?  Yo, Mr. Straight Line Smile (Don’t lips usually curve?  Seriously.  I guess it must be the Botox), it’s not always about you.  The report is about Brangelina and the birth of their child, the same way this post is about them and you.  Geez!  What a “dropping my name” whore.  Anyway, it’s late here on the East Coast…

Velasco out.

Gallery: Brangelina Have a Baby - BREAKING NEWS!  And My Feelings On Seacrest!


As if dying on TV wasn’t enough, Lost’s Michelle Rodriguez has found herself in a real-life version of purgatory.  She’s found herself in jail.  Again.  Having recently completed a short stint in Hawaii for a DUI, Rodriguez will soon be returning to familiar territory—this time on the mainland.  Seems her trouble with the Hawaiian police force was in violation of her probation back in the States.  She should have realized that her high-profile arrest would make news back in California.  For breaking the terms of her previous driving-related offenses, the California courts sentenced her on Monday to another sixty days in the clink (her sentence will begin no later than May 31).  Including the 48 hours she spent in the California jail back in 2004, this will now be Rodriguez’s third time behind bars.  With any luck, maybe she can have a roll around in the hay with one of the prison guards so that she can steal his keys…


Read More |  People

Gallery: More Jail Time for Lost’s Michelle Rodriguez


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