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Sunday March 29, 2009 1:53 pm

This Week on TV (3/30-4/5)

Jonathan Rhys Meyers in The Tudors

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY 3/30)
  • Greek (ABC Family, 8pm):  “Casey returns from her summer internship with secret plans to move out of her sorority house.” Unfortunately, she couldn’t wait to change her Facebook profile.
  • Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9pm):  “Charlie blows off steam by sharing a drunken night with Alan, Herb and his neighbor after Chelsea discovers nude photos of another woman on his cell phone.” Kinda makes you wonder what has on her ex.
  • Rules of Engagement (CW, 9:30pm):  “Jeff and Audrey lie to get out of Jennifer and Adam’s dinner party in favor of a better bash.” Fondue parties are so 5 years ago.
  • CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm):  “Ryan is kidnapped and forced to betray Horatio and the team.” Cue Horatio lowering glasses in disappointment.
TUESDAY 3/31)
  • According to Jim (ABC, 8pm):  “While trying a new restaurant with Andy, Jim gets the wrong idea when he thinks the owner, an old girlfriend, is still carrying a torch for him.” He probably also thinks people watch this show since ABC keeps bringing it back.
  • Osbournes: Reloaded (FOX, 9:20pm):  Weird start time. “Ozzy, Sharon, Jack and Kelly star in a variety show that features them performing comedy, interacting with the audience and appearing in recurring segments outside the studio.” I liked it better when we were laughing at them.
  • Cupid (ABC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Trevor - who believes he’s Cupid, the Roman god of love - is released from a three-month stint in a mental institution on the condition that he attends a therapy group led by psychiatrist Claire McCrae.” Those who believe in love shouldn’t be allowed to run around making other people feel bad.
  • My Boys (TBS, 10:30pm):  “The boys engage in a mustache-growing contest.” Warning: Men should always seek approval from a significant other before engaging in such risky behavior.

 

WEDNESDAY (4/1)
  • Pedro: The Movie (MTV, 8pm):  “A biographical docudrama chronicling the life of Real World alum Pedro Zamora (1972-1994), considered the first openly gay HIV-positive man to appear on national television.” Fifteen years later, this is the only alum I will ever care about.
  • I Get That a Lot (CBS, 8pm):  “Unsuspecting people are tricked by celebrities who’ve assumed ordinary jobs.” And by “ordinary,” they mean jobs where people actually get paid less than they’re worth.
  • Life on Mars (ABC, 10pm):  Series finale. “A mysterious caller offers Sam a chance to return to 2008, but a confusing set of circumstances makes him wonder whether he even wants to do it.” After learning about the impending financial crisis, he decided to just wait it out.
  • Reno 911! (Comedy Central, 10:30pm):  “Raineesha and Jim confront a terminated employee who refuses to leave his company.” Those banking CEOs can be quite stubborn.

 

THURSDAY (4/2)
  • Victoria Silvstedt: My Perfect Life (E!, 8pm):  “Former Playmate Victoria Silvstedt candidly discusses her life as she travels the globe. In the opener, Victoria craves her mother’s approval during a visit to Paris.” Why would she seek approval? I thought she led the “perfect” life!
  • Perfect Private Parts (BBC, 9pm):  No - this is not an updated version of the film.
  • ER (NBC, 9pm):  Series finale. “Gates treats a teen suffering from alcohol poisoning as a result of a drinking game.” He drank a shot for every doc who ever left the hospital.
  • Being Erica (SOAPnet, 10pm):  “Erica revisits a perfect day from her past.” Unfortunately, her tolerance and metabolism both go down from there.

 

FRIDAY (4/3)
  • Everybody Hates Chris (CW, 8pm):  “Chris takes a stand against his mother’s strict rules and refuses to do his chores.” The good news? It’ll be much easier to hide his body underneath the pile of dirty clothes.
  • Flashpoint (CBS, 9pm):  “A teen distraught over his best friend moving away takes several people hostage after his plans to rob a local food store go terribly awry.” It’s not easy for some people to make new friends.
  • Dollhouse (FOX, 9pm):  “After she, sierra and victor awaken in the Dollhouse as their original selves, complete with their own memories, Echo leads the Actives in an escape attempt.” FOX Friday is not a place where anyone should be trapped.
  • Escape to Chimp Eden (Animal, 9pm):  Season premiere. “Two chimps are sedated in preparation for their move out of quarantine, but one chimp has an adverse reaction to the medicine.” Sounds like the beginning of a movie.

 

SUNDAY (4/5)
  • The Simpsons (FOX, 8pm):  “Moe sets up a date with a woman he met in a chat room. When she turns out to be a little person, Moe must adjust his attitude to make it work.” One should always be careful of meeting someone with animated avatar.
  • True Story of the Internet Lion (Animal, 8pm):  “An account of Christian, a pet lion released into the African wild, and his owners, whose touching reunion video sparked an internet sensation.” I can only tolerate hearing “I Will Always Love You” in small YouTube doses.
  • The Tudors (Showtime, 9pm):  Season premiere. “Henry VIII takes his third bride, noblewoman Jane Seymour, in hopes that he will finally have a male heir.” Maybe he should feed her bananas. I hear that helps.
  • 1000 Ways to Die (Spike, 10pm):  “A hot-dog thief, a college student, a death-row inmate, a joker and a deviant expire in unusual ways.” The joker’s smoking and midnight toking ways were bound to catch up with him.

 

Gallery: This Week on TV (3/30-4/5)

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