Glee’s highly-anticipated second season premiered on Tuesday night, and we’ve got all the details. The press has been staking out the set for months, the song list has been picked apart and talked about for weeks and the new faces have been plastered all over the Internet since the show’s first season closed. But somehow, Glee still managed to give us a few surprises. Keep reading to get the full recap (so if you haven’t seen it already, turn back now!)…

The episode opened with an enjoyable summer recap, as seen through the eyes of school blogger Jacob Ben Israel (or, as Santana likes to call him, “Jew-fro”). The scene, naturally, ended with a slushie to the face (Kurt Hummel’s face, specifically). We learned very quickly that Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson (Lea Michele and Cory Monteith) have been dating all summer and that Tina Cohen-Chang and Mike Chang (Jenna Ushkowitz and Harry Shum, Jr.) fell in love over the summer. Their romance compelled Tina to break things off with Artie Abrams (Kevin McHale), leaving him completely despondent. We also have reason to believe that Puck (Mark Salling) still hasn’t gotten over Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron), who is back on the Cheerios and fighting (physically) with Santana Lopez (Naya Rivera).

Enough exposition. Time for the real meat of the episode…which was presented in the form of Dot Jones (playing new football coach Shannon Beiste). She’s big, she’s scary-looking and she immediately becomes the glue holding together an unlikely alliance between Sue Sylvester and Will Schuster (Jane Lynch and Matthew Morrison, the show’s greatest frenemy pairing). Beiste is the new football coach, as Ken Tanaka has apparently suffered from a nervous breakdown (Patrick Gallagher is no longer on the show). Her introduction was followed by a scene in the Glee club’s practice room, home to many wonderful moments during season one.

In order to inspire new members of the school to join the Glee club, the New Directions kids performed a fantastic rendition of Jay Z’s “Empire State of Mind” in the school courtyard. The student body’s response was decidedly lackluster, though the club did catch the attentions of Sam (newcomer Chord Overstreet) and Sunshine Corazon (Charice, the season’s most-hyped newcomer). Rachel spoke to Sunshine about the club in the ladies’ room, sparking a duet/sing off between the two (video above).

There’s only one problem: Sunshine’s good. Really, really good. So good, in fact, that Rachel immediately went on the offensive. With a friendly smile on her face, she gave Sunshine directions to the club’s tryouts…but as it turns out, Rachel actually led the new student to a crack house (though “not a functioning crack house,” she explained in her own defense).

If you think that’s low, you must have skipped over the part of the episode where Sue and Will got their first taste of revenge on the new football coach. In an act of pure juvenile delight, they ordered 25 pizzas to be delivered during football practice. Beiste quickly turned the event into a pizza party for the team, every member of which she’d just finished cutting. In Beiste’s new regime, everyone has to earn their spot. Finn Hudson, school quarterback, managed to incur her wrath by bringing wheelchair-bound Artie to the locker room…and act which resulted in Finn’s termination on the team. In a truly hysterical scene that followed, he offered up a grotesque dance routine in an effort to join the Cheerios. Sue was largely unimpressed.

But the Beiste isn’t completely immune to the jabs of her co-workers. After being cold-shouldered by both Sue and Will, she was seen crying in the locker room. It seems “the panther” (a personal nickname) has some feelings after all. And Sam Evans, the new team quarterback, has some serious singing chops. He displayed his smooth vocals with an acoustic version of “Billionaire,” though he bailed on his Glee club tryout. Later, he told Finn that he won’t be joining the team, after all.

And neither will Sunshine Corazon. After Rachel’s truly evil trick, it seems the foreign exchange student was recruited by rival team Vocal Adrenaline (“they gave my mom a condo, and a Green Card!”). In other words, New Directions is in big, big trouble.

The team is a man down (Matt Rutherford, known to Sue as “Shaft,” played by Dijon Talton, is off the show), Vocal Adrenaline just got even more powerful and Sue is on the outs with Will again. It’s another season of Glee … finally!