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Thursday November 8, 2007 9:54 pm

NBC ‘Green Week’: An Opinion

NBC's 'Green Week' sucks a big oneOk, I’m all for saving the world, cleaning up the air and preventing whatever horrible fate Al Gore has decided awaits us in the coming decades - but this NBC “Green Week” is absolutely awful. In a week that has seen this huge writer strike, it would seem to me that network television needs every spark it can possibly get. What did NBC deliver instead? The guy from Windtalkers (now on Law & Order: SVU) telling me to recycle a pizza box … before he almost gets blown up by the bomb inside.

Oh, but the tree-hugging horror doesn’t stop there. Follow me after the jump to take a look at some of the other cringe-inducing moments from “Green Week.”

Did I really just have to suffer through an entirely environmentally friendly episode of Scrubs?  You know what? On second thought, the cast of ER is really starting to convince me that I should be stopping my wasteful ways so that ducks don’t walk around getting stuck in soda can six-pack rings. I’m sure John Stamos will be driving his hybrid to the set (after the strike) rather than the sports car his Full House money paid for.

Et tu Chuck? Please tell me that I didn’t see a banner that read “be green” and hear a pitch to “plant a tree” during an otherwise awesome episode of Chuck. Please tell me that my favorite show of the new season didn’t preach to me this week.  Heroes, Journeyman, Biggest loser - same, same, same. How could something that is supposed to help save the environment produce so much garbage?

Does anyone else see the irony in the Bionic Woman visiting an environmental awareness gala. This show is already on the bubble as it is! Why in the world would you take a struggling action/thriller and water it down with this stupid “heal the world” gimmick? Who is running the ship over at NBC? Who thought it would be a good idea to take a blossoming drama like Life, a crime drama about a cop searching for the person who framed him for murder, and make that cop buy a solar farm to restore nature’s harmony!? Oh, yes. I must tune in to see Ted kick some ass and adjust his solar panels!

To make matters worse, NBC’s Must See TV Thursday was more like Must Heave TV as I was forced to suck down one of the worst episodes of The Office ever made. There, I said it. I love The Office, it is among the best shows on television, if not one of the best shows ever created. But this week’s episode went too far - and you know, I’m not even sure how. But you can’t very well argue that dumping Michael Scott in the middle of the forest to appreciate nature was not, in some way, related to “Green Week.” For Christ’s sake, you even had Jason Lee shilling for this stupid promotion on My Name Is Earl!

And David Schwimmer!? Freaking Ross came out of network TV retirement to be a part of this fiasco on 30 Rock! I will admit, however, that 30 Rock wasn’t a complete disaster - it had a sort of tongue-in-cheek jokiness to it, even when Al Gore was on screen. Yeah, Al Gore. But at least Tina Fey didn’t stoop as low as to completely sell out.

What can we look forward to in the days to come? More of the same on Las Vegas, Deal or No Deal and Friday Night Lights. That’s real smart - inject a few of your worst rated shows with a couple ounces of this conservation crap, mix in a few PSAs and see if anyone didn’t decide to go see Fred Claus. And I reiterate, I love the earth, I love clean air, I love the puppies and the kittens and the deer that frolic in the lush green forests - but the freakin’ deer didn’t settle down for The Office tonight and have to watch Steve Carell try and make “environmental awareness” funny.

You’ve disappointed me NBC. You’ve insulted my intelligence and the intelligence of millions of Americans by thinking that a company owned by GE(!) could possibly persuade us to plant a tree. You’ve disappointed me by assuming that you could persuade a country full of TV-loving couch potatoes (me included) to recycle during primetime television, when all we wanna’ do is watch Stabler and Benson arrest some pedophiles.

And if you, NBC, thought for one second that John Stamos could make me “go green,” you were absolutely right. Because this self-righteous and self-important promotion made me sick to my stomach - and I went green. I went green all over my Nikes. And now the only thing you have to worry about saving - is your ratings.

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