Alright, folks, ready for a little controversy? On second thought, what I’m about to write shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a that’s-ridiculous-and-disgusting-and-offensive-to-good-fathers-and-functional-daughters-everywhere no-brainer. So tonight, as I’m driving home from nearly exerting myself to death on my bike, I hear this situation on the radio: A father, right here …

Alright, granted—I’m from a place that gets hotter than much of the country. Hundred-degree summer days are the norm. Sweating while walking from the car to the grocery store is expected. It’s still effing scorching at eight in the evening. So maybe, just maybe, that’s why I’m so annoyed by the …

You know that moment when the wheels of the plane touch ground and you shoot forward in your seat with the new momentum? And you briefly, deliciously forget how your hair became that odd combination of greasy on top, staticky on the bottom, and that you ran out of face blotting …