Friday April 7, 2006 2:48 am
DIY LASIK Eye Surgery
This is one of those things that you read about, do a double-take to make sure you read it right, then stare at in disbelief. Introducing the LASIK@Home corrective eye surgery kit. Designed to let you perform LASIK surgery on your own eyes, in the comfort of your own home. The kit comes complete with the Scal-Pal Hand-Operated Combination Femtosecond/Excimer Laser, a mild sedative (diazepam 4mg), No-Blink brand eye drops, a protective post-op sleep mask, detailed instructions and a QuickStart Guide.
If you’re not familiar with LASIK (Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis), here’s a quick rundown courtesy of the FDA. “LASIK is a surgical procedure intended to reduce a person’s dependency on glasses or contact lenses. LASIK . . . permanently changes the shape of the cornea, the clear covering of the front of the eye, using an excimer laser. A knife, called a microkeratome, is used to cut a flap in the cornea. A hinge is left at one end of this flap. The flap is folded back revealing the stroma, the middlesection of the cornea. Pulses from a computer-controlled laser vaporize a portion of the stroma and the flap is replaced.”
The “Four Easy Steps” illustration provided on LASIK@Home’s website speaks volumes. Apparently drawn by someone with an aptitude for art equivalent to a pig’s ability to fly, it certainly does elicit a chuckle as well as a sad shake of the head for the ignorant individuals who will be duped into purchasing the product (assuming it really exists). A quick check of some of the information provided by LASIK@Home turns up little (as in zero) corroborating evidence. The Bennett Eye Care Institute in New York City must be in a parallel world as it seems to be missing from this one, as is the good Dr. Khadim. The “Walton Group Manufacturing” who purportedly “makes the the (sic) LASIK equipment used by more clinics nationwide”? Strangely enough, they don’t seem to exist either, and none of their lasers show up on the FDA’s approved laser list . . . imagine that.
The price for
ruining the only pair of eyes you have? A mere $99.95 USD. Should you choose to proceed down this road of self-mutilation, remember - “Don’t blink!”.
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