Oh Lady Gaga—I thought that we moved quickly beyond this whole anti-pants movement!

I admit that I’m loving the ballerina heels, your new hair, the green shades—well, everything else except for your lack of pants—but enough is enough already. While I realize that Europe is a bit more lax on these issues (clearly, given the ecstatic Parisienne fans who haven’t noticed you’re simply wearing panties), we here in the states would prefer that you at least slap a skirt on those hips.

Please?