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Tuesday November 30, 2010 11:36 pm

Wikileaks: Comic Book Secrets

Betty And VeronicaIf you took the time to read through the nearly 250,000 documents released this week via Wikileaks, you’d find a comic book connection in several of them. We at Comix 411 have nothing but free time and did the heavy lifting for you. Here are the comic book-related highlights from the document dump:

When visiting with US President Barack Obama, the CIA codename for Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is “Bucky.”

Interrogators at Guantanamo routinely asked prisoners to choose: Betty or Veronica?

Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong Il sometimes dresses up as Wildcat before he tours a factory. In other news, North Korea still has factories.

Behind his back, the EU had a nickname for the George Bush administration: The Inferior Five. Bush himself was often referred to as The White Feather.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has been trying to buy Sigils on the black market, but keeps ending up with copies of Mystic and Scion, which she bags and boards for investment purposes, just in case.

Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, has himself drawn into panels of imported graphic albums by Milo Manara.

Several countries have called on the US to intervene in Marvel Comics’ plans to kill-off Spider-Man. The coalition would prefer it be Giant-Man.

Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi uses Botox to maintain his manly appearance. He also hates being called Gaddafi Duck. He prefers “Plucky Duck” and has decreed that “Gaddafi” now rhymes with “Plucky.”

In the mid-1990s, Chinese President Jiang Zemin regularly faxed Kevin Eastman, saying he would throw out a lead-painted toy for every issue of Big Numbers he published.

In the bedroom, First Lady Carla Bruni often refers to her husband French President Nicolas Sarkozy as “Professor Zoom.”

Ali Khamenei, Supreme Leader of Iran, has been pitching Chip ‘N Dale Rescue Rangers story ideas to Boom! and may write a Muppet Show Christmas Special.

Secretary of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon regularly goes on midnight drives around Manhattan looking for the Baxter Building, the Daily Bugle offices and Yancy Street.

Pakistan’s former president Pervez Musharraf often attends New York comic conventions dressed as a storm trooper. He strongly believes Han Solo shot first.

For six weeks in 1999, then British Prime Minister Tony Blair was willing to invade Paris to prove his theory that Moebius was the name of one of the original Three Stooges.

In order to shut down the tainted Cuban prison, the Obama administration offered sweeteners to try to get other countries to take Guantanamo detainees, including Wakanda, Latveria and Pellucidar.

England’s Prince Charles has been banned from the Byrne Robotics message board for his insistence that Byrne inks with a Sharpie, although the Bonny Prince pronounces it “Shar Pei.”

Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan still buys The Walking Dead trades even though he has all the original comics.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi frequently room together at Angouleme under the names “Rene” and “Albert.”

[Artwork: Betty or Veronica? © Archie Comics]



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