Note to Samantha Ronson: You’re a fool. Lindsay’s a keeper!

If Lindsay Lohan’s recent split has you worried about the actress, this should make you feel better. Not only is she talking openly about the matter (hello Us Weekly!), she’s putting herself back out on the market.

In a new eHarmony ad (filmed for FunnyorDie.com), Lohan explains why she still finds herself a catch. Financial status? She has over $400 in the bank and 20,000 Marlboro miles. What is she looking for in a mate? Someone who likes a night out on the town, has the ability to drive and doesn’t mind alcohol monitoring bracelets. Her description of the perfect evening? Long walks on the beach, car chases on the PCH and passing out in Cadillac Escalades.

If this “crazy” redhead sounds appealing to you, you can find her at #612679.

[Random trivia fact: Recognize the tune playing the background? That’s the same song (“This Will Be”) used in both the real commercials and in Lohan’s film The Parent Trap.]